Thank you, my sisters

I finally got around to watching my latest Netflix movie.

It's been sitting innocuously on the TV for a little over a week; The red envelope reminding me it was still there, waiting, as I passed by at least 50 times each day.

I was waiting for the opportunity to watch it by myself. It was a chic flick in a house of boys after all. Somehow I just couldn't see my trio of men getting into "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2."

The opportunity finally arose today as my youngest decided he was still a bit sleepy after dropping big brother off at school. So, while he watched some old-school "Godzilla," in the den, I made a pot of tea and snuggled into my overstuffed leather chair for some self indulgence.

What I wasn't expecting was how watching the changing lives of these four friends would trigger memories and emotions about the women in my life, my sisterhood.

Maybe I was just in a sentimental mood, or maybe I'm just sappy. Either way, I thought about how my friends have marked me and changed me. Some for better, some for worse, but all making impressions that have molded me into who I am.

There are girlfriends from grade school and high school who helped me grow in ways they will never know. People such as Donna Demel.

Donna was probably my first friend in second grade at Eisenhower Elementary. I was the new kid in class for the third time, thanks to my brother's penchant for getting expelled.

Cute, petite Donna with her brown, bobbed hair and glasses. She introduced herself and showed me the ropes. I was a poor kid at what was seen to be one of the wealthier schools in town. Only I didn't know I was poor, and looking back, everyone else must have.

Half of the kids who went to school there were cousins or had known each other for life. Not so for me. But there was tiny little Donna, courageously welcoming me, offering me her friendship. I will always remember her independence and strength in doing something different.

There were some not-so-nice girls, too. There was the high school coach's daughter who invited me to her birthday party because "she wanted to make fun of me." A fact she pointed out to me in front of everyone. She taught me that cruelty could make me stronger and more independent. She taught me to choose my friends wisely.

There was the tall girl for whom competition was breath. She took it as a personal affront that within a year I outgrew her. I guess that's what drew her attention because after that, I was her target. She teased and bullied me. I turned to books to escape. Thanks to "tall girl" I found an entire world that would always welcome me. I also learned to stand up for myself. Those were powerful gifts.

I probably didn't feel like I fit in until I hit high school. But, there were girls along the way whom I learned from.

There were the Cox girls, Camille and Melissa. They taught me about sisterhood. They taught me that no matter how much you fought, sisters were sisters for life. They stood up for one another. They looked out for one another. They taught me the importance of girl power. They also taught me about fashion and makeup. I should have listened more. I'm still a little too into comfort. I clean up nicely, though.

They were there for me when my grandad died, when I got married, when my mom died. I'm still in contact with Melissa. She's the most positive person I've ever met. I certainly hope I learn that lesson!

There was the best friend who thought it was OK to see my first boyfriend behind my back. We lived, breathed ate and slept at each others' houses. I think losing her was worse than losing him. I did learn a few things, though. Friendship is not one-sided. It's not convenient. It takes work.

I did, however, gain a new best friend out of the deal. I wasn't the only one my former friend had hurt.

Brandi Brown and I were best buds. Our mutual hurt was a starting point. We lived around the corner from each other. We gave each other rides to school. We spent part of every day together. We were inseparable on the weekends. We were very different people. Her parents were lawyers. Mine were blue collar. She was beautiful. I was awkward at best. Somehow, though, we fit. Friendship was easy with her. She taught me to dream and go after those dreams.

After high school, we kind of lost touch. We went to different colleges and grew apart, but she left footprints on my heart. I was at her wedding, and she was at mine. She was there for me at Mom's funeral, too.

There were others, too. Lisa Legleiter, Raelene Harper and ValJean Johnson to name a few. They taught me there's a lighter side to life. They taught me to dance, to have fun. To smile more. They also taught me rum is good.

Raelene also taught me that competition among friends could be a healthy thing. We were in journalism classes together. I like to think that we challenged each other to be better and work harder.

Cheryl Detmer and I have been friends since junior high. What hasn't she taught me? Her independence and laughter are a beautiful thing. She was there through breakups, breakthroughs and new life directions. She spent the night with me before the SATs. We went to senior prom together. I was at her wedding. She was a bridesmaid in mine. I borrowed her earrings, and she calmed me down when Mom and I had a fight. She's taught me that time and distance don't matter. Whenever we talk it's like we've never been apart.

In college, four people stand out. Laura Pelletier, Kathy Smith, Lora Gilliland and Amy Culling. I met three of them in the dorms as a freshman. I met Amy my junior year. All are still dear friends.

Laura and I were roommates for at least a couple of years. Her intelligence, sense of humor, love of books and all things vampire appealed to me from the start. Laura, is there any Vampire movie we didn't watch? We never had classes together, but we were inseparable nonetheless.

Her laugh was and is infectious. There wasn't anything we couldn't talk about. She almost became my sister-in-law. She introduced me to my husband. She attended my wedding. Laura taught me to analyze things and people, to debate effectively, to be strong, to go after what I want in life and that I could achieve my dreams. She gave me confidence. She taught me to believe in myself.

Kathy Tryon is such a beautiful influence. We had Spanish class together. We lived down the hall from each other. We were study buddies. She taught me you can be both serious and silly and that you can always put off laundry, as long as you have enough clothes. She's always positive. She's a friend forever and another for whom time stands still when we're apart.

We've gotten together a few times over the years. She was in my wedding. My husband videotaped hers. She was there for me when my mom was ill. My family and I drove down to San Diego to watch her husband run a marathon. Our kids are close in age. I wish we lived closer, but thank God for Facebook.

Kathy, Lora Gilliland and I had our own version of The Three Musketeers on our trips to Aggieville. Lora taught me that not all the cool kids suck. Some could be beautiful, fun, talented, smart, sensitive and kind all wrapped into one.

She and Kathy together taught me that college was more than classes and life is what you make of it. They showed me how to balance work and fun, to be bold, say what you think and reach for the brass ring.

Amy Culling was a friend of my husband first, but we became college roommates when she returned from Germany. We were kindred spirits from the start. We loved antiques, cooking, the same TV shows. Amy is a powerhouse of energy and ideas. An entrepreneur, a shoulder to cry on, a friend for life.

We live close enough to see each other once every three years or so, but it feels as if we've never been apart. She was my maid of honor. She taught me how to go with the flow no matter what life hands you.

There are others.

Kim Kirkham, for instance, taught me compassion, strength, sincerity and perseverance. She also taught me what it takes to be a good manager and how to walk the line between friendship and work. She was there for me when my mom died and even wrote her obituary for me. Kim gave me advice on my career and showed me how to be true to myself. Again, I wish we lived closer. I'd love for our boys to grow up together.

Linda Martinez is a woman who has taught me much. I don't think I would survive without her. She got me through the first months of motherhood, post-partum depression, my child's hospitalization and more than a few lapses of better judgment. She's watched my kids when I didn't have a babysitter. We've shared holidays, recipes and work. No one can appreciate my tendencies that border on OCD better than Linda. She's taught me how to grocery shop, remain organized despite the chaos and how to balance work and family and still get everything done. In some ways, she's my idol.

There's Maria Saint, who's taught me how to be selfless, gracious and thankful without being a pushover. Her friendship and the strength we shared with each other through the layoffs will never be forgotten. Her gentle spirit inspires me to be a better person. This woman is truly named.

Kim Lamb Gregory has taught me to laugh in the face of adversity. To always look on the bright side of life (pun intended). She's my mentor in many ways. I aspire to write with her depth of feeling and humor. She instinctively knows what to say when someone needs uplifting words. She's given me strength many days without even knowing it.

Last, but most definitely not least are my sisters of the soul, my friends and kindred spirits, Vicki Snyder and Maisha Elonai. If I could choose sisters, they would be at the top of my list. They're my partners in crime, my go-to gals, my lifelines. Though we don't have traveling pants to hold us together, we have cell phones and Facebook and holiday visits.

They've taught me so very much. Potential is never-ending, women are capable of anything, how to laugh, how to play, even how to breathe.

Mai and I shared online RPG games, a love of renaissance faires, poetry, literature, music, vampires, the beach and exercise. She was there with my husband and me when our first child was born. She kept me company when he fell asleep.

When Mai moved, I lost a little bit of myself. The friendship has remained strong even though it's been six years. I've made one trip to Philly and she comes here once or twice a year to visit her parents. We always try to steal a day to hang out. Thanks Mom and Dad Elonai for sharing your very, very special daughter. I love you, Mai.

Vicki and I shared motherhood, music, deep dark secrets, vampires (what's with the vampire thing?), literature, work, movies, music, recipes, ideas, philosophy and every corner of our lives. It helped that our husbands were best buds, too. Vicki gave me the ability to look at things objectively. She was honest, even when I didn't want to hear it.

When the Snyders moved, I lost another bit of myself. We still connect. Not as often as I would like, but a three-hour time difference is hard to manage with children. Whatever the intervals, though, I know she's there if I need her. I love you, Vicki.

So, this is my sisterhood. Every person here and many not mentioned, have made my life richer, truer and more beautiful.

Thank you!

Something to be said for futility

So, I spent the morning weeding our backyard flower beds.

Remember my previous posts about futile tasks. I just did this a couple of weeks ago. How is it that the flowers take so much effort to grow roots and bloom, yet a dandelion can grow 2 feet tall with no water and have a 6 inch root in less than two weeks.?

I miss my gardener. He kept the flower beds weeded, the bushes trimmed, the grass mowed and the sidewalks edged. The garden was fabulous when someone else tended it.

We had to let the gardener go when I was laid off. I hated to do it, but we had to cut where we could. We also scaled back the cell phone options, quit going out to eat as much and started shopping much more carefully for groceries and necessities. We cut out movies and canceled day care. The trickle-down theory of economics is alive and well in our household.

The theory was that since I wasn't working, I would have time to weed the garden. The mowing Eric would do on the weekends.

Growing season is here, and mowing and weeding are falling behind. Even though I'm home, I don't get much gardening done. Morgan thinks that helping Mommy involves digging huge holes in the flower beds and swiping all the tools. I won't even talk about watering duties. Mud Monster comes to mind every time I think about it.

I'm just not as good as the gardener. Growing things well is a skill, pruning a talent. I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm kinda winging it. When I lived in Kansas and Texas, I couldn't keep anything alive. I even killed a cactus! I'm doing better now, but I think it has more to do with the climate than improved skills.

The pansies and impatience are eeking out a living among the weeds. The Kerry lilies are out of control, the St. Augustine's grass is making a comeback, The roses I got around to pruning are doing well -- the others, not so well. The azaleas are growing well, although they are looking rather spindly. Perhaps we should have pruned them? The orchid tree has finally taken root and has a nice sized trunk, but the branches are all leaning to one side around the rubber tree plant.

The daisies are taking over the back yard. I don't think anything will kill them. The new gardenia plants seem to be doing fairly well. They started blooming this week. That makes me happy. It reminds me that even though I may not be the best gardener, there's beauty in every bit of the hard labor.

Even the dandelions are pretty when plucked by Morgan's little hands and handed to me as a present, with his bright little eyes shining and a grin from ear to ear. All the gardener's skills couldn't replace the beauty of those special moments.

A diatribe on cleaning and laundry

Housework is a futile task.

The dusting

What is the point? I go through with my Pledge and an old, holey socks spraying and wiping to ensure I've gotten every last spec. I carefully dust all the tchotchkes, working from the top down so as not to spread any more dust on already cleaned surfaces.

It takes about three hours, mostly because I get distracted putting away everything that has been left atop tables and counters attempting to find the surfaces that need dusting.

Once I finish, I go back to the living room to enjoy my dust-free home only to find that the black TV has attracted every dust spec that was launched into the air by my dusting. Or my husband has opened the windows during Santa Ana winds and in comes every small bit of dirt that's been carried to Oxnard from Bakersfield.

Oh, and all that stuff I put away to get to the tabletops? It's already been replaced by the day's newspaper and mail. When the kids come home, homework is added to the pile along with school notifications and my eldest's books and drawings. When the husband gets home, he adds every scrap of paper on which he's ever written a note to himself and every receipt he's collected during the day.

The Dishes

We eat three times a day. There are four of us. Sometimes, we have snacks. I like to cook. I like to bake. I have two boys.

All this generates a ton of dishes. I'm really glad we installed a dishwasher when we remodeled. I have very few dishes that can't go in the dishwasher now, just all my pots and pans and bakeware.

Grocery shopping

See Above.

I used to go shopping once a week, at one grocery store, when I could squeeze it in between laundry and picking up the house and all the other weekend errands. Now that I'm not working and the budget is a lot tighter, I go shopping three to four times a week. Mostly because I shop at all three big grocery chains, looking for the best deals and stocking up.

On Wednesday's after the mail comes, I sit down with the ads and comparison shop, making lists for each store. Then, I go through all the coupons I've clipped from the newspaper and printed from online coupon clubs and figure out which ones I'm using at which store.

I then fit the grocery shopping in between picking up the kids and other errands. It works out pretty well, especially since we run out of milk at least twice a week. After all, my refrigerator only holds two gallons plus the assorted juices and such.

I try to hit the farmer's markets on the weekends if I can, too.

The laundry

I used to squeeze laundry in on the weekends in between grocery shopping, errands and everything else that couldn't get done while I was working full time. Weekends had become chore days instead of fun days. I'm sure many can relate.

Now I do laundry during the week. By Friday night, all the laundry is done, folded and, well, sitting in the laundry room waiting to be put away. How is it that by Sunday night, there's at least three loads to be done?

There are only four people in my family, But there are PJs, underclothes, swimming towels and suits after swimming lessons. T-ball jersey and pants, jeans and long sleeves from the morning when it's cool, shorts and T-shirts from the hotter afternoons, dirty clothes from gardening, sheets from when the little one wet the bed and their accompanying blankets and wet PJs, kitchen towels from God-only-knows what mess and that shirt that just must be washed before Monday morning for school.

I think I might have been better off when I was working. Expectations were lower.

Now on to vacuuming

*Disclaimer*Disclaimer* Disclaimer* My husband does the vacuuming in our house, but I still think it's futile. *Disclaimer*Disclaimer* Disclaimer*

The goal is to vacuum at least three times a week. The reality is that we're lucky if we get it done once a week. Like the table tops, it takes twice as long because all the toys, newspapers, DVD cases and, well, crap, has to be moved first.

He vacuum's the entire house from one end to the other. Then I go back and to dust the wood floors.

There are two areas of our house where dust bunnies hold what must be state conventions. There's the corner of the dining room right beneath the china cabinet where no dust mop or Swiffer will reach. It must be done on hands and knees. Then there's the corner of the entryway, beneath the catch-all chair that contains every backpack and jacket we've ever owned in our lifetime. Yes, there's a closet, but why hang things up when you're just gonna use it again?

Once that's done, there's the kitchen floor.

*Disclaimer*Disclaimer* Disclaimer* This, too is my husband's futile responsibility, mostly because he drops as many crumbs as the boys. *Disclaimer*Disclaimer* Disclaimer*

I love the smell of a freshly mopped kitchen floor. As soon as that floor is dry, though, here come the crumbs. I have a 3-year-old after all. He tries to help by taking his dishes to the kitchen. Unfortunately, he hasn't figured out that you have to hold the plate upright, not dump the crumbs on the floor in transit. I thought the point of having a dog was so she would get all the crumbs. Apparently, some just aren't up to snuff.

Then there's the occasional flying pieces of chopped vegetables that seem to have a life of their own. I like to bake, too, so there's always a thin dusting of flour somewhere, no matter how much I try to clean up.

By the time I've made dinner and spread my vegetables about, the toys, books, papers and DVD cases are, once again, all over the living room floor.

Now the Bathrooms

*Disclaimer*Disclaimer* Disclaimer* I gave up cleaning the bathrooms when our oldest started potty training. I sit, therefore I don't spray. Thus, I am not responsible for that mess. *Disclaimer*Disclaimer* Disclaimer*

The above statement pretty much explains it. As soon as it's cleaned, I take a nice, long bath and enjoy the lemon fresh scent. About 20 minutes later, it's time to start over. Someone's had an accident, someone's filled the tub with mud after digging worms in the backyard, someone's aim is off.

The mess never used to bother me quite this much. I'm pretty much sure I know what changed. Now that I'm not out of the house 40-plus hours a week, I have to look at it, live with it, breathe it. When I was working, it was easier to ignore.

I used to only clean for company or special occasions, now I clean to remain sane and somewhat organized.

Housework is more futile than ever!

TV junkies go cold turkey, sort of

Ok, I admit it!

We are a household of TV junkies. I love TV. My husband loves TV. My kids love TV. My 3-year-old is a Noggin addict.

Our Tivo can attest to how much we love TV. Here's a typical weekly list:

• "Chuck" (Zachary Levi is a Buena grad and Ventura County native and a hoot to boot) "Heroes" (the story's been shaky, but it's getting better again.)
• "Castle" (I love Nathan Fillion, sexy and funny. What's not to love?)
• "Medium" (their marriage is just so real!)
• "Two and a Half Men" (No, the kids don't watch it, but Charlie reminds me of my brother, and what's not to love about the writing here? Event the vanity cards are funny.)
• "American Idol" (My ONLY reality indulgence, wait there's "Last Comic Standing" and "America's Got Talent" but they don't count because they're not in season.)
• "Reaper" (The devil has a good son with two sidekicks that remind me of my husband's college buddies -- sorry guys. How cool is that?)
• "Fringe" (Talk about your mad scientist, and he's funny, too.)
• "Lie to Me" (I really like the way they show political and pop culture figures of the past and how their facial expressions give them away.)
• "Smallville" (This one was great in the beginning, but is dragging a bit. I did mention I was a geek, right?)
• "Supernatural" (I just love those guys. What a real sibling realtionship despite the whole demon-hunting gig. And the 80s music is great. This season's writing has been pretty sharp, too.)
• "Clone Wars" (The kids and my husband watch this one.)
• "Legend of the Seeker" (I mentioned in my profile that I was a Robert Jordan fan).

There are other shows, but the rest are in the off-season or have ended. This list doesn't take into account Morgan's addiction to Noggin. That's kind of an all day thing. "Yo Gabba Gabba," "Ni Hao, Kai-lan," "Wow! Wow! Wubzy," Dora, Diego, "The Wonder Pets," and "Pinky, Dinky Doo" Just to name a few. It's preschool on TV, right?

Then you have to add in the video games and computer time. There's the Xbox, the Wii, News sites, YouTube and Facebook (want to join my Mafia or my Vampires clan? just look me up and friend me), blogger, Bejeweled and Word Challenge to name a few. I had to end my addiction to "Ultima Online" when the kids were born or they would have been neglected.

Wow, seeing all this in a list is a bit like an intervention.

But, I don't watch commercials, unless they are trailers for movies. And I usually do the computer thing while I'm watching TV, so that negates those hours, says the addict.

But, alsas, this week has been TV Turnoff Week. The rules were no TV, no video games, no movies. Go unplugged.

We started off right on Sunday with a trip to see the Dodgers blast the Rockies. What a great game! On Monday evening we worked on homework with the Gabe, our first-grader, and read together, making up for the days we hadn't read over Spring Break last week. Eric built a model Mach 6 race car with the boys, too (Speed Racer was one of my favorite cartoons as a kid). I was working on last-minute preparation for the kids' Pajama Reading Night later in the week.

On Tuesday, Morgan spent a rare day at day care. He wasn't under my watch, so I'm not responsible if he watched "Shark Tale" and other movies.

I took a friend out to lunch for her birthday. (Happy Birthday again, Maria!). Then I picked Gabe up after school and took him shopping for shorts. It was really hot and all his shorts were too small. The kid grows faster than the weeds in the backyard. After that, I picked up Morgan and we met Eric for a Family Night Out fundraiser for the school. Mmmmm Me and Ed's Pizza and Cold Stone for dessert. Sorry Weight Watchers! At least it was for a good cause.

While we were eating pizza, Morgan kept suggesting we turn off the restaurant's TVs since it was TV Turnoff Week. I was proud of him, and it was kinda cute. Afterward, the kids headed home with Eric, and I went to a grant-writing committee meeting.

Things got a bit shaky when I got home, the kids were asleep. Eric and I said our hellos and stole quick glances at one another. Then, we snuggled up in our easy chairs and turned on the TV. The kids wouldn't know, they were fast asleep, right?

We headed to bed somewhere after midnight, after burning off our energy points in Mafia Wars on Facebook. My husband is more addicted than I am, I swear.

Wednesday was busy with last-minute prep for PJ Reading Night and getting this blog up and running. So, Morgan, shaking hard from not seeing any Noggin, was allowed to turn on the Xbox, so Mommy could work. Gabe wouldn't find out, right?

I have to say, I enjoyed wearing Pajamas all day. We looked a little silly at Presto Pasta eating dinner in pajamas. Oh well, let them stare. I was having fun in my sock-monkey slippers (Thanks Vicki). They matched my tropical pajamas that have monkeys on them. Who says PJs can't be stylish. Ironically, Gabe was wearing "Ben 10" Pjs during TV Turnoff Week.

PJ reading night was a success thanks to community volunteers who read to the kids. One couple read and signed to student interested in sign language. A graphic artist read to kindergartners. She brought in markers and coloring pages, too. There was the priest who knew the Frank family and read from "The Diary of Anne Frank," a version that included some of the original, unedited writing. I was told that hearing the passages from someone who knew them was awesome. There were also the Ironman finalist from the YMCA, Ventura County Star newspaper employees, military personnel and other dedicated community members who deserve more thanks than I could ever offer.

The most rewarding part, though, was seeing students come up to the volunteers afterward, thanking them and saying they would be going to the library to check out the books or others by the same authors. I have a feeling there will be a run on Madelaine L'Engle books this week.

It's amazing how a few hours of volunteer work can open doors for children and open their eyes to new worlds and new opportunities. The bright looks on those tired, pajama-clad, TV starved students were worth all the hard work involved. It brought back good memories from my childhood: My brother introducing me to the "Alfred Hitchcock and The Three Investigators" series; reading "Charlotte's Web" in the bay window in my childhood room; devouring historical fiction by John Jakes; and spending my summer days in the Hoisington, Kan., library with it's air conditioning, comfy chairs and very, very tolerant librarians.

When I finally got home, Eric showed me a video of the funny dance that Gabe and Morgan made up while I was out. Afterward, we looked at each other and grinned. The kids were all snug in their beds, sound asleep. We tip-toed out to the living room, snuggled in our easy chairs with our blankets and watched a little more TV. We had to see who was kicked off "American Idol" this week.

Thursday was an early start. Morgan running around the house saying, "I want to watch TV," a few billion times before we left the house at 9 a.m. There was his Spring Fling class at the parks and rec, my Weight Watchers meeting and spending time with Maria and her new baby, Clarissa. Morgan was in tow and, well, we turned on the Xbox at Maria's house to keep him entertained so we could talk. After that, it was pick up Gabe, go buy yo-yos at the 99c store (please don't ask, it's a loooong story), and run a few more errands. By 6:30, p.m., I was back at the school for a PTSO meeting.

I was finally home about 1 a.m. The meeting didn't last that long, but a few of us just decided drinks were a good idea afterward. Oh, and guess what, the Lakers game just happened to be on TV at JJ Brewskys. Good game, too. What? no, I wasn't watching. *wink*

When I got home, logged on to Facbook and Mafia Wars to burn off points. I admit it, it's an addiction! Thanks Anthony and Kim. It was your idea to drag me in, right?

So, this morning I'm dragging my heels. Morgan has played a few video games. He's turning into a zombie, walking around the house saying, "I want to watch TV. I love TV," repeatedly. Walking around the neighborhood just wasn't as stimultating, I guess.

We have done other things this week, too. Morgan and I have read "Mrs. Piccolo's Easy Chair" a few hundred times. We've gone for several walks and stopped and smelled the roses. We spent time making faces at each other, pretended a yo-yo was a fishing line and had several attacks of the Tickle Monster.

Gabe has watched the bees on the flowers in the yard, played with the ladybugs and let them go, read a lot, played Frisbee, played catch, watched the stars and actually sat and talked to us about something other than video games.

Tonight is Family Game Night at the school. It'll be fun. Right down my alley with the Renaissance theme, board games and games of skill. But, I'm betting Tivo will be calling when we get home. I know the kids will be glad to watch movies and their favorite TV shows, but maybe in the weeks to come, we'll spend a little more time in the back yard, having friends for dinner and enjoying the sunsets.

Our report card:

Gabe, A
Morgan, C
Alicia and Eric F
Extra time we spent together, priceless.

Back to blogging

Hello!

It's been a few years since my last post, but I think I'm ready to get started again. Some of you may be wondering why I picked "Life in Chaos" for a title. Well, it just seemed fitting.

When I first started this blog in December 2004, I was working full time and more as a multimedia editor for a newspaper Web site. It was busy, exciting and tons of fun. I was also raising a son, then 2, and remodeling my house.

It's amazing where a 2-year-old's imagination can go in the middle of a gutted kitchen with construction crews and tons of tools. It's difficult to feed a child without a kitchen and, well, difficult to live at home during a remodel. It's also hard to manage a remodel while working 40-plus hours a week and raising a child and a husband. So, you can imagine the chaos of my life at the time.

I continued to post through the remodel and right up until May of 2005. We were still putting the finishing touches on the remodel, relandscaping the backyard and potty training our son. That's when I found out I was pregnant with our second child.

Life has a way of throwing me surprises. According to my Grand Plan, that wasn't supposed to happen until October 2005, after our much-delayed trip to Hawaii with friends.

Well, it's been a few years. We've now potty trained our youngest (Yay! no more diapers), and we're back on track. Sort of. I forgot to mention the latest round of chaos.

At the end of last year:

• My husband was diagnosed with thyroid cancer
• I was laid off from my job of 13 years because of the downturn in the newspaper industry
• I was scheduled to undergo a uterine ablation surgery
• My husband had his thyroid removed
• I was bitten by a spider and had to undergo another surgery
• The medical bills were piling up

We still haven't been to Hawaii. I think that's going to be put on hold for awhile. I'm working on reinventing myself, looking for a job and spending lots of quality time with my kids.

While the latest round of chaos was a bit of a blow, there have been many underlying blessings, too:

• Eric is recovering well and all information indicates the surgery was curative.
• I was given the kick in the pants that I needed to get out of a dying industry, although I will mourn its decline until the end of my days.
• I was able to be home with my husband during his recovery
• We were able to have a month off as a family over the holidays for the first time EVER.
• I get to be a full-time mom with all its joys, work,and, yes, chaos
• My house has never been cleaner or more organized
• I'm not under mountains of stress anymore and am regaining my life
• I've lost 43 pounds and am well on my way to a healthier more productive life
• All of this has brought me closer to my family
• I get the chance to start over and do things I've always wanted to do
• But, most of all, this has reminded me of the important things in life - family, friends and the simple pleasures

Sometimes chaos is just what we need to gain a little perspective.