Motherhood, me and Mom

I know it's past Mother's Day, but I've been taking some time to reflect on motherhood, me and Mom.


I've come to realize in the past few days that I'm more like Mom than I thought.

While that thought frightens me in many, many ways, there's comfort in it, too. After all, I don't think I turned out THAT bad.

My mother was a wonderful woman. She had a heart bigger than most countries and could charm a snake right out of its skin. She was, however, a bit obsessive about some things. Cleaning, germs, religion, garage sales, cooking, being frugal and her intense dislike of feet are a few examples.

I remember as a teenager thinking she was out of her mind for getting up at 6 a.m. to clean and vacuum the house. She would dust at least one room each day. She would do at least one load of laundry each day, too. She insisted that everything be put in its place before bedtime ... and by everything, I mean dishes put away, clothes in the hamper, newspapers and magazines in the rack, and everything off the floor.

If I left jewelry sitting on the counter in the bathroom or coffee table overnight, it would disappear to teach me a lesson: Put things where they belong.

I came to realize recently, that her obsessive cleaning was actually a symptom of an overly organized woman. She was very good at managing her time - and ours, too.

By getting a portion of the cleaning and laundry done each day, she was making sure the weekends were free to spend with the family. By vacuuming at 6 a.m., she was making sure we were getting up in time for school and that she was getting a chance to talk with us before we all headed our separate ways.

She'd get all the housework done by the time we left for school, then she would go out and do volunteer work in the community. Sure, she hung out with her friends and went antique shopping, too, but mostly, she was home when we got home from school, usually baking cookies, cakes or pie and asking us how our day went. She was always there for us.

Dinner was always on the table by 7 p.m., unless Dad was grilling or frying fish, then we'd wait until he got home. She ran the house like clockwork.

I'm not quite that obsessive, but now that I'm not working, I'm finding myself trying to get all the chores done during the day and during the week, so that when the kids get home or the weekend rolls around, we get to spend quality time together... reading, goofing off in the backyard, watching movies and playing games.

It's actually become more crucial for me to be organized, to have a menu plan and to get the chores done, so I can enjoy the rewards at the end of the day: hugs from my boys, quiet time with my husband and fun weekends that we never were able to experience before.

I've become so obsessive that I've printed out a monthly chores spreadsheet in Excel, so I make sure we're all on track. Mom kept hers in her head.

One other way I'm like Mom, I have several junk drawers/baskets hidden away. They look really good from the outside, but never, ever open them unless you have a few hours to sort through them.

It takes some time. There's junk in there all right, but there's also some pretty cool mementos, too. Tickets from Dodger games, Thomas the Tank Engine outings, and old birthday and Mother's day cards. Perhaps even a few broken, favorite toys of the boys that Mom can't seem to part with. There's also I-love-you notes and drawings, too.

When my mom died in 1995, my brother and I went through some of those drawers. It took us hours for just one. We found all the above mentioned items along with favorite recipes and poems she wrote about us. It was like a treasure chest of memories.

She didn't leave us with scrapbooks or even bothered putting pictures in albums, but all the ephemera of our lives was saved in those junk drawers. She left the organizing to my brother and me. Someday, we just might get it done. But, someone else will have to take care of my junk drawers.

P.S. Here's another one of Mom's secrets. If you find that you've been goofing off a little too long and you get home moments before everyone else and you're running late for dinner, saute some onions in butter. It will make the whole house smell wonderful - just like you've been cooking for hours. You can always use onions for something.